•twilight

So I've been kind of busy obsessing over this series and movie...  (and since yesterday, maybe this guy..)

I hadn't read "Twilight" in over a year and a half, so when my friend invited me to go see it Friday afternoon I decided to reread it. I knew the series as a whole and didn't remember exactly what happened in each individual book.
So in a day and a half I reread it and got super excited to see the movie - which I ended up being not so fond of - maybe..

I wasn't quite sure exactly what I thought, though, and neither was my friend, so we made plans to go again on Sunday afternoon. I must say I truly enjoyed it the second time!
We had amazing seats both times, but it was way quieter on Sunday.
Also, more importantly, I didn't spend 3/4 of the movie comparing the movie to the book and trying to decide if I liked the casting or not.
I decided I did. A lot!

So much so that I downloaded a bunch of pictures and bombarded my friend's text inbox with them. but she enjoyed it ;)

And then today I spent wayyyy too much time on YouTube watching videos to hear the soundtrack and listen to / watch Rob Pattinson interviews. BIG mistake!!

I'm the type of person that will get stuck on things super hardcore for quite awhile. But then once it's done, it's done. I'm hoping that will happen soon because my man is out of town and I'm really in the mood to snuggle and look at someone pretty.

Since my love is away and despises pictures being taken of himself, I have to resort to pics of someone I don't know. Which, if he (my guy) ever found out...well let's just say that wouldn't be good...
He's neither jealous nor insecure, but I am publicly admitting I'm obsessing about another guy. I'm positive I wouldn't like it if the situation were reversed...

So, I guess I'll just say that this pic is my absolute fave because it seems to show Rob as Rob (at least from what I can gather from what I've read and watched - I'm obviously no expert on who he 'really' is)...
Most people probably won't agree that it's a Fantastic pic but I'm attracted to character and substance.
And that is what makes my guy even more gorgeous to me --- SO I am going to end this blog and come back to reality for a bit and call my sug and go to sleep and dream of the amazing love I already have in my life!

I guess I needed to write all this out to give myself a kick in the ass and understand what's important :)

Nitey nite!!!

•let's get lost

this is the best reading nook ever. oh so cozy!!!

I feel at peace when I sit there - and I most certainly don't get to sit there enough...

I do desire it, though.

Utopia.

------------

If I hadn't been baking in my mom's oven exactly 30 years ago today and had already been living my life, I feel I might have come close to being a part of the bitter end of another dream of Utopia.

My mom always said that if she were a couple few decades older, she'd have a hippie for a daughter.

And I believe that may be true.

Because of my trials, including the daily ones attributed to chronic illness/disease, I am always looking for the peace and serenity in life... I want to make my gift of sickness even better - (the gift of sickness..yeah. I'll address the irony of that in a blog soon to come.)

I don't think I could have been sucked into a cult, per se, but charasmatic leaders who promise a life one could only dream of.....
---well, I think I could have gotten into that. My bookshelves and armoire are filled with many, many types of books and I have a section full of ones about different ideas and ideals...such as buddhism, the science of God, Carl Sagan books, C.S. Lewis books, time travel and remote viewing, witchcraft (history - not the practice of), and on and on.. I'm obviously searching for something.
Not an answer, of course, but some sort of connection, understanding, or enlightenment.
Just as were the people of Jim Jones' congregation.

I would never go to that kind of extreme now, knowing the dangers (along with the fact that I have a settled down family life), but if I had been that hippie my mom speaks of... who knows?

---- now on to what this is all about...

The media has made Jonestown seem like a great massacre which only involved crazy cultish people, but that's just not the truth.

Those people were just searching for what every person wants.

The heartbreaking fact is that they were tricked. And even more heartbreaking is knowing (or at least understanding as much as we are capable) what the 'survivors' have to deal with to this day... I cannot fathom that kind of guilt and pain..

In the book, "Manhunt", by Colin Wilson, the Reverend Jim Jones is used as a Charles Manson comparison!!! And it's the truth. But I personally believe that even the Manson Family wasn't all bad.

Now, please don't take that the wrong way - Please! All I mean is that these people went into these situations with the best of intentions and became totally different people over time due to the dominating characteristics of their 'leaders'. Of course, that's not true of everyone - all groups have a couple (or more) bad seeds that were born that way and fell into opportunity, but for the most part, I feel that the majority of the 900some people who died in Guyana were not much different that I am.

And that's scary.

And sad.

Just depressing, really.

Especially for the children who were just there with their parents and did not choose that destiny.

The most sickening part of it all is that no one even really talks about it anymore. Our world has become so disgusting that these long forgotten tragedies don't even receive a short mention on the news the day of the anniversary!!

It's no wonder things keep getting worse!

History does indeed repeat itself and I'm afraid for what's to come...
I mean, Manson gets the most mail -FAN MAIL- than anyone in prison ever to this day. I wonder how many letters he'll receive today... I'll probably only get some bills!

Now that I've written all this, I don't know what else to say, which is odd for me. But, I'll just take it as a sign that I (hopefully) got most of my thoughts out and just stop writing. I hate forced writing that tries too hard to say something of importance. I'm just a self-admitted rambler; not necessarily a writer.

One last thing, though -
No, I don't have smudges on my living room wall. I pixelized my kid's pictures.
I don't understand people who can display their family online with all the craziness that goes on, but whatever. That's for another day.

•i never promised you a rose garden

yep. it sure is.

•a swiftly tilting planet

Today, MY planet is way out of alignment
I am missing people - so very much!!!
Yet, sadly, I am content to be alone.......



To My Love ::

Waking before dawn, see
How the constellations
Are all
Turned around!

- Ransetsu


Come back to me quickly and safely so we can share the moon again.



To My 'father' ::

'Dylan'

I had a dream last night
that a little girl came to me.
Her hair was a halo of warm light
and color dripped off her tongue

She was your daughter
and in her I saw the fruit
of everything i'd ever fought for
or believed in, or dreamt of.

- jewel kilcher


So dad, would you/have you EVER, in all these years, dreamt anything like that? Better yet, have you ever fought for anything? (At least anything real....that matters..??)

I'm not asking for the eloquence..of course I'm not. I actually don't even truly want to know because, in my few decades of experience, I've learned that the truth hurts more than it brings pleasure. I'm not a cynic by any means. Knowing this reality helps me enjoy the greatness I have in my life!

But it would also be great if you knew that she is beyond amazing & I'm not so bad either - if you'd just give us the chance. But again, whatever....



To My Dearest Friend ::

Into a cold night
I spoke aloud. . .
But the voice was
No voice I knew

- Anonymous


Sweets, you'll get there! I know it's tough now
but just keep the faith and eventually........
Just remember you are loved!



And, as for me -

Let's just hope the swiftness slows soon •

•cherry

Not a clue what this blog/page is about..
I just know, as does Gertrude Stein, that essentially 'the answer' is the lack of an answer.

I'm 'sick' of trying to analyze and decide what everything means so I'm just going to live and write about it.

I can never keep a theme going with a journal or a scrapbook or anything, so I figured I'd start writing my completely random thoughts here.
Just to release some of the craziness in cate's cranium..

And no, I don't usually write in the 1st person - I just like alliteration. And the anonymity of this site. But whatever..

If you do decide to read, I hope you enjoy!!! :D